Caterpillars

The painful moment when you ache for something that you must mourn...

When the slow lonely sound of the saxophone, the bass, the ease of the keys on the piano helps you see the truth. 

Of course, it's not in the lack of action that should spark this emotion. 

But the drums...the drums...its all in the DRUMS...You must mourn this song. 

I hate it when I come to this realization. It hits me over the head and stops me in my tracks. No matter what I am doing...cleaning, working, driving, thriving...it hits hard and I know I must mourn. 

I must cry for the future loss of an idea. The wish you whisper gently into your heart. 

You must cry when you have given your all, loved with your all, communicated with your all. 

Nothing else to do, to try, it's an end without an ending because it only lived in your own head. 

It was a one-sided wish...its birth and death within you. Nonetheless, its heavy, it cuts. As if time stood still and it CAME TRUE for just A...

You must mourn the pain out your heart. For they cannot see or does not wish to see what could be. 

Or maybe...they can. 

But my strength comes from the mourning of this loss because I cannot function in a healthy manner with just a hopeful idea-my perfect non-existent reality. 

I have to let it go, cry it out and then...just then...

WARNING! 

This metamorphosis of emotions cannot be reversed. 

I know...I've tried...but it never comes back...not for me...at least not at this point in my life. 

So I mourn my mourning, like an adult butterfly emerging...

I will no longer be affected. 

My heart is solid. 

Impenetrable...for I have faced my worst fear...the idea of life without you. 

Here we go...the first stage...THE EGG. 

Love Always, 
Acting and Apple Pie