"The Service Entrance"

I no longer let love in through the back door. I'm not trying to hide my face pass the kitchen staff in order to be in your presence.

But....It feels like a burst of pure indulgence. The moisture from my top lip. The gentle caressing sensation massaging my mind. That hidden pit of hope that my future is seen through the vision of your lens, as a lover or friend.

TO YOU...

I am but a puppet. A cute little thing of play. But make no mistake....you don't love me. I temporarily signed my soul over to your hidden agenda. I know you're not Judas but you're no Jesus. One would think we are all humans thriving compassionately.

You had your fill, you played with strings, you told me lies.... things.... With a price.

I told you from the beginning...

I'm not ready.

I can't be what you want.

We are all looking for that one, in its own time.

So l slowly grab my purse, hold my head up high as you and the rest watch my back.

The line cook...

The night prep...

The sous chef...

I can feel the wind from the bottom crack of the door. My lifeless body turns the handle to drag these legs out of my own hearse.

I pause at the doorway looking ahead.  I turn slightly left to study the intricate details of the molding. I turn right to admire the masterful wood work in the framing. I look up carving a memory of this moment. The jail you put me in, you will rot... in this decaying scene.

You do not have to repeat! I heard you the first time...."Back door, Love."

The blurred lines of Friendship, Love and Pain.

I revoke your pass from visiting the future me. I may think I need you... but that won't always be.

With Love,
Acting and Apple Pie
aka...Your Favorite Star

Chasing Sunsets

I ran away... no really, I ran away. I let my mind control the now. Not the future and certainly not my past. What would happen in this moment would make me feel alive. And that moment and those feeling will haunt me until the next one.

I hold dear to all I have thus far. But it was in the slow turn of the head, a heavy beating in the heart, the view of familiar feelings in foreign territory. I was ready. To embark on a new adventure no matter what the cost. Finishing thoughts that whispered in her mind. I'll admit I have little to no discipline when it comes to matters of the heart.

Palm trees swaying, the smell of the ocean waves crashing, sand in hair, drink in hand, this moment, this conversation, this feeling under my feet, this band of colors bonded together by invisible tension... everything seem so clear so bright so Alive!

My heart is here but could I convince the rest of me to leave it all. Live my life on an Island and never look back.

I could write

I could watch the rain fall from the leaves

I could plan dinner from my backyard

I could teach children how to sail

I could finish my masterpiece

I could watch all my sunsets from the square

Sunkissed skin and unkept hair would smell like a tropical warm breeze filled in love. Who knew watching sunsets could be a passion.

No need to call... I'll send you a postcard…With Love:)

Acting and Apple Pie

Daughters

Time was your healer.

The clear blue sea of sky surrounded your cloudy vision.

Parting a path to an ascending future.

Marching to the sound of an undone family choir.

Its bright baby...Inside You.

Hopeless optimistic souls live forever.

Walk with me.

My death is your birth beyond.

The Elite...
Chosen by the Universe to see spirits in their rawest form. The deepest meaning of breathing starts with two eyes wide open. Not many will want your illuminating vision in their presence.

Go!


Walk!


March!

Stand up straight, head to the sky.

I See You...


Love always,
Acting and Apple Pie

Dedicated to my mother

Valerie Sapadin 

1954-2008

The Prelude

There will be a moment when I will express my deep love for my hometown. Heart in hand and breathless. Spilling secrets, giving advice on where to dine or using my universal language to articulate train directions. New Yorkers are kindhearted. The real New Yorkers! The center of the world raised me and I must do it justice. This is an introduction to my next level of growth, expanding my mind and increasing the net worth of my soul.

Its not that I have no words...I just have more to feel. More of a sense of where I'm from to where I would like to be. Art, travel, people, conversations and experiences that leave me with an orgasmic memory.

A moment of silence when life pushes you to move forward....

Here's a quote I would like to share from the final episode of "No Reservations" in Brooklyn, New York.

From my soulful virtual friend and fellow New Yorker...

Anthony Bourdain's final goodbye:

"It's been a wild ride. A lot of miles, a road sometimes smooth, sometimes hard and ugly. And I guess I could tell you that if you look hard enough, that just next door is just as interesting as the other side of the world, but that's not exactly true. If I do have any advice for anybody, any final thought, if I'm and advocate for anything, it's to move as far as you can, as much as you can, across the ocean or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in somebody else's shoes or at least eat their food, it's a plus for everybody. Open your mind, get up off the couch, MOVE!"



Love,
Acting and Apple Pie

Thank you for stopping by...

Reel Me In

Music mimics my movement in space. Every whole note, half note, quarter note, eighth note, sixteenth note, thirty-second note, sixty-fourth note moves my soul. I'm ready and able...

Sex Transmutation

Lust is not my truth.

Lying in bed for over five years with you.

This is... True Love.

Sliding, Climbing, Pushing…through tears and applause.

Going hungry to feed my soul.

The erotic side of passion enriched in my spirit.

Removing limits of physical vision.

Fake ones. Side eye observers. The grey-day-walking-prisoners in their own skin.

Starting over isn't easy. Especially when the rest of the world continues to rotate.

But here we are… Alchemy.

Every word filled with color. Every line bursting with emotion. Every scene built from truth!

In front or behind your lens…making me whole.

This is my truth.

(whispering in your ear) I can feel your love. 

xoxo

Acting and Apple Pie

Living Shadows

I live with your ghost... and all that was once good between us.

Sit and I will stare at your light. I will miss the smell of your skin when my mind wonders away from this thought. But when I come home to you...my mind is attuned with our quiet chats on everything and nothing. The cerebral key that unlocks the unknown. The whole world seems so small compared to the weight of this endless bonding feeling. Surpassing the boundaries of logic. The awe of what is and what evaporates... across the world suspended in the air. I live in you and you in me.

Pockets of love hidden in the clouds. Occasionally turn my head and quietly allow the rain to take over. Suffocating in my own thoughts...these are the moments I catch myself....falling deeper and deeper out the living. I must say farewell before the others notice my absence. It's too much all at once. No one can really live here otherwise the world would commit me... for I live on a thin line of insanity to keep you alive.

Time is merely the past, present and future. Time is merely... what was, what is and what will live on. Can you see... that sun shines on me too. Smile! The Universe watches over our floating footprints and gently guides us to the next journey. But I can always come back to you if I stop and stand still.

I live with your ghost... and all that was once good between us.

Love Always, 

Acting and Apple Pie