A Letter To Myself

My Dearest 2008,

"...here to relive your darkest moments..." 

The mind is an amazing work of art. It has the ability to draw colors and lines around buried emotions. It prepares the soul to adjust to the immediate shift of its surroundings. An outer body experience - another sense of self roaming the earth on a White Horse. The beginning of self discovery through change and loss.   

My Dearest 2009,

"...every demon want's his pound of flesh..."

Riding in the Dark Forest through the Age of Change. I feel the sharp sting of an arrow hit me from a hidden bush. I hesitate to look for she is the self I left behind. Separate passion from slavery.  

A New King has been crowned to inspire the spirit of his people. He ruled "no jot of blood"!!! Leaps and bounds with no glass to break, for "We The People" Own the Sky... 

My Dearest 2010,  

"...and I've been a fool and I've been blind...."

Hope resides in my heart but there is no light. My lovely guide has lead me thus far but I keep looking back. Shadows creep and sway along the branches... I ride faster. Lost... confused but I keep going. Finally absorbing the truth of the last few years. My passion is growing stronger and is leading itself through the Dark...   

My Dearest 2011, 

"...tonight I'm goin bury that horse in the ground..."

I see a glimpse of light and it gets brighter more profound as I get closer. My companion has lost momentum. My storm is ready to walk a path alone. The Heavy is no longer...

I can finally MOURN...

I Release You! 

I Release Myself! 

The motherly soul of a child was reborn and brought balance back to the Universe.

"Its always darkest before the dawn"

Flakes of amber drizzle along the Morning Sky. Raining earthly apples brown sugary winds doughy clouds RISE... culminating in 5...4...3...2...1 

Happy New Year!!!! 

***WAIT*** 

Can you smell the APPLE PIE!!!! 

Love Always, 

Acting and Apple Pie

The Calling

When we are delivered from the womb of heaven... There is a innate greatness built into the architectural structure of our soul. Our experiences are bricks manifest into a magnifying glow. We are Pure Light Realized!!!

Until the dark grim haze of social acceptance swings its heavy sword.

"Off with your head!!!!"

Absorbing our light into a mass of uniformed humanized comfort.

We are Emperors of our own fate. We control the territory we conquer through the shield of our light the grit of our spirit and the purest of our hearts.

It is easy to unarm oneself...joining the army of lost ones. There we are feed and housed with the company of grey hollow existence. A false sense of warmth and security. The cloth that holds tightly to the shape of our frame.... is savagely torn. The dark haze enters our being and surgically removes our core. Collections of such precious raw materials are discharged... locked away until lifeless bodies wither into dust.

I call upon you NOW!!!! To protect our Kingdom of Light!!! To ride into the shadows and know that your strength is stronger than masses of "First-Hand Observers!!!!"


Love,
Acting and Apple Pie

Happy Holidays from The Family of Acting and Apple Pie!!!!!

Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler

I walked off the plane and stepped back into time. Found a city with seamless edges that mold and fit to the curves of my mind. Tugged on my inner child and left "guilty" out of pleasures like dirt wiped off the soles of my shoes.

Enter...

The alluring mist of spiritual whispers tucked away in the back alley of dimly lit cobblestone roads.  Energy of generations of royal families lavish parties dancing to the sounds of horns, trumpets, as the saints are marching in. Raining jeweled beads from the sky of sultry balconies.

Souls tapping to the Jazzman with coins in his eyes that lived many lives and came back for his wife...or concubine.

Life and Death does not exist along the slim secret passageway of spinning libraries in beautifully built French Townhouses. Finger tips caress wax figurines, yard dolls and lost passages of biblical references.

In the Backroom...

A scandalous sense of enjoying The Other Side of Reality.

There...

Behind the beaded curtain a 85 year old sliver haired woman can tell you your present, past and future. Spirits of family members filling the room; sharing stories, predictions and their observations.

My child...

The LOVE of your LIFE is waiting and ready...

Here...

Ahhh...The Ace of Spades...

Good fortune!!!

Get over yourself!!!

Live in the moment and be REBORN!!!

After two local serenades, Tropical Island Hand Grenades, Topless Tuesday shots, Cafe du Monde powered face Beignets and talk with my deceased Great Aunt...

I fell into a RABBIT HOLE!!!

Then I fell in love.

Screaming...

BLACK & GOLD!!!


Love,
Acting and Apple Pie

Mr. Good Bar

I saw from the corner of my eye. In a glance...flashbacks of moments in the same Universe different atmosphere. A distant want that took years to embrace. Intense scene...panning slowly. No emotional connection vested except a deep hopeful organic powerful beginning!!!


"Joe, a glass for the lady."

"How are you? Its been years..."

"I'm well."

"How is..."

"Over"

"Nice. I... "

"Don't... FEEL."



The sound of an orchestra playing rhythmic pieces with the bass of my heartbeat. Strings vibrating against cords that were once deceased inside me. The sense of control and letting go with every sip. Pulsating hill country vineyards on the north side of the Rhine River.Tasting the sweat of each grape melting. Hint of crisp sweet apple notes drumming intoxicating flow of blood pumping... echoes of the tiniest veins throbbing. Wanting to stare but looking away. Wanting to run. Instead I stay. Images of what could and will be. Images of what could and won't be. Images of release and a sense of security.



Breathe...



"Joe, another glass for the lady!"

Love,

Acting and Apple Pie 


Enjoy a scene from one of my favorite movies...Looking for Mr. Good Bar

Weekly Slice: The Cerebral-C​lock-Out

Clock-In...

I tripped on my thoughts and stumbled across the Universe back to the arms of Destiny. Celebrating a victorious helplessness of greatness. All things come to full circle based on faith. The recipe of my soul... sugary driven passion resilient cinnamon courage with a doughy loving filling and some DAMN loyal Apples!!!

Lunchtime...

Every step left behind and moving forward formed perfectly through the belief in me, myself and the most high. Barefoot, leaving sandy prints...naked...open kimono because I believe in my own right to BE...

Check it...

Dance with the wind, shake another mountain, add more wood and play with that fire. Run to the edge of the rainbow and JUMP!

We are no longer in Kansas....

From Defined to Undefined to Redefined... Limits exist in the abyss of nothingness..Tears from a guilty subconscious... Prepare for war and murder the survival mode!!! Gather the momentum to LIVE what burns your HEAVY heart when you drift off in space... at the office place.

Clock-out!!!

Love,
Acting and Apple Pie

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

Nine years old gazing at the reflection in front of me.....wondering what awkward space awaits in twenty years. And in between the ages of  1...5...13...18 and 22 a natural self was dancing with lemon drops, gingerbread men and cotton candy on an homemade stage...with the red light.

Grandma's hallway was long with a smooth oak wooden floor. The stage faced the audience in the kitchen. The stage door-dressing room was to the left where all the brainstorming fairy tale dust magic began. Dressing room filled with lavish treasures of 1920's - 1970's best designer's. Wide brim fur hats, long white gloves, oversize Cotton Club jackets and Harlem Renaissance dresses that fit to perfection. Two jewelry boxes...to the left a solid cherry wood with a 14k gold clasp and to the right a hand painted lady with a pale bleach wood finish. There were rules in the dressing room...."diamonds and pearls" for the show were only handed out from the graceful painted lady...who sang before every performance.

It's Showtime!!!

With a flick of a switch...the stage was bathed in a red velvet curtain that would open once tiny footsteps appeared. The stage manager-Grandma-audience member would run to her seat.


"I am not afraid, I was born to do this" "This note is attached to a plant I've been waterin' since the day I met you... you may water it, yr damn self." "I am asham'd that women are so simple.To offer war where they should kneel for peace, Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway. When they are bound to serve, love, and obey."

In my mind I was NOT nine... I was Joan of Arc

In my mind I was NOT nine... I was "Lady in Red"
For Colored Girls

In my mind I was NOT nine... I was Kate
The Taming of the Shrew

In my mind I was NOT nine

I...

was...

YOU...

The crowd was always pleased and on demand encores were never turned down!!!

Love,
Acting and Apple Pie

Thank you Grandma for always providing me the props I needed for a successful life. Thank you for your applauds and constant encouragement that lives within me through every stage.

Note: "Lady in Red" quote
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf by Ntozake Shange

The Apple of My Eye...

Early morning takeoff...best part of me...the unknown. Heart excited about rehearsal. Just got a call a few nights ago to rush and come in for a blind reading. Unbeknownst to her, a being waiting to be filled with breath. Letter word sentence scene manifest into a truth that started with an impregnated thought and a pen. Who is she...Where did she grow up... How much education does she have? Well... I know the writer.... so she should be quite witty. What stage in her life will we merge into one. Or submerge myself into her. I wonder how old she is and if she's social. I hope so because I never learn to be, but in her perhaps... I can... mind is racing because she is only 53 mins away.

Train door close, coffee station there...do I have time. That will make me more anxious. I should have prepared the house better. I wonder if she will like my decor choices. Will her parents approve of our union? Damn, I hope so. They'll cast me. Will I live up to her standards....

Mantra… the world must hear her VOICE!

                                                                    Birth Certificate
Date of Birth:                       October 20, 2011
Time of Birth:                       10:21AM
Birth Place:                           Studio 5, Dance New Amsterdam…New York ,New York
Gender:                                Female
Name:                                  Samantha
Weight:                                123.5lbs
Father:                                 Director/Writer Kamal Symonette-Dixon
Mother:                               Director/Writer Kamal Symonette-Dixon

I just met Samantha…
A smart, sexy, classy, I’m-gonna-take-your-man African American Apple of my eye 20's something lawyer. Well it said 30ish give a take a few years in my opinion.

Landing back...

Now I can finally focus on the two baby showers I have to plan.
Funny thing is…I don’t know the first thing about preparing for a newborn baby!!! HELP!!!

Love,
Acting and Apple Pie

This entry is dedicated to the strong beautiful expecting mothers in my life.

Jocelyn Sapadin
Amanda Charles
Amy Carey-Jones
Nechia Callender

Welcome to Acting and Apple Pie. The balance of Art and Life…

Acting is my passion and so is Apple Pie. At least the idea of what apple pie represents to me. I was inspired to create this blog from an annual apple picking trip with my godchildren. They are the most interesting loveable foreign creatures to me. I didn’t realize how much I love these moments until I came up for air working on 5 different projects. The idea of family, home, and stability is something that I crave. But I’m on an intense high with my true love…The Art of Acting. To Live and To Die…over and over and over again is an immeasurable state of being.

Life in itself is a stage. An actor can adapt better to change on this earth because we have become so many souls. To view the world from a perceptive you weren’t born with is a gift. The view of the world is greatly different from one (for example) of an accountant. They see numbers, balance sheets, income and equity statements and thus a bottom-line. There is no bottom-line for an artist. Our work is infinite. There is little balance with an obsessed enlighten consciousness. There is no start time, end time or overtime. There is no dinner prepared every night at 7PM to come home to. Nor the fragrance of warm vanilla, cinnamon sticks or freshly made apple pie.

So where is the time to bake… and for whom.  We need human affection. The moments of passion and love to moisten the dough. No need to preheat the oven to 375 degrees until the formula of balance of Art and Life is born.

My journey starts here with YOU…now let’s try to find a farmers market...

Love,
Acting and Apple Pie